Abandonment Trauma Explained
Unfortunately, I have struggled with abandonment issues all my life but never really understood what it was. When I was about 35, I started to realize I was never truly happy, I seemed to constantly sabotage my own success and I lacked the ability to commit to anything. Even making and sticking to simple plans or tending to a consistent schedule was nearly impossible.
I started to think back, acknowledging I have never had a relationship for longer than 3 years in a stretch and I am always the one to walk away.
More than that, the exact thing I fear, abandonment, was the one thing I was constantly attracting. Relationships with men who could never fully commit, due to their own addictions, other family obligations, or commitment issues was all I ever seem to have attracted.
I started to put the pieces together.
I lost my mother when I was 18 and my father when I was 21, within a span of 3 Years I basically lost my whole family.
Both died after a tough battle with cancer.
Hmmm, could that be why I end relationships after 3 years? So I don’t get hurt?
Who knows, but the experience I dealt with was very traumatic to say the least!
However… I thought I was raised with a solid foundation; had optimal love and support, and all the necessary housing, clothing, food, security I could have ever needed.
I didn’t see how abandonment issues, in other words my inadequate feelings of self, fear of commitment, and continuous self-sabotage, could be a result.
I was under the impression abandonment trauma were issues to have been experienced in early/middle childhood from not receiving love or security?
So I did more unraveling.
My self-esteem and lack of self worth is something I have struggled with from a very early age. I was different. I had a problem with my eye that was very noticeable when I was younger.
I was teased.
A lot.
As I got older, the teasing got worse.
There were kids in my school, always boys, that caused me to feel horrible about myself and made fun of me almost every day, including name calling and secluding me. I came home from school crying on a daily/weekly basis.
I felt left out or unable to be part of anything for fear of being made fun of.
I sucked it up and always kept it to myself.
This went on for years.
I didn’t tell anyone about the constant torture I experienced in school.
The bullying, the seclusion.
I understand why children kill themselves. It’s horrible to feel that alone!
I just tried to be stronger and ignore it all.
My Graduation couldn’t come soon enough; I would never want to go back to those middle and high school years.
But…As soon as I graduated… my parents got sick and died, one right after the other.
By the age of 21, I was completely alone.
When I was 25, I married a man I had only known for 8 months, not realizing at the time, it was because I wanted security, to be loved, a home, a FAMILY! BUT, only knowing someone for such a short period of time didn’t give me the ability to see who he really was.
Like attracts like, therefore he had his own abandonment issues, and it was a very emotionally and physically abusive experience for me.
I attracted a partner to mirror my own feelings of inadequacy and low self worth. Causing me to feel completely undeserving of real love, real acceptance, and most of all any sort of security.
I became pregnant and had my son, when one day my husband punched me during an argument, broke my glasses and gave me a bloody nose,
right in front of my child!
I left him.
And I was completely alone again.
I spent the next 7 years raising my child with hardly any help, working 40-60 hours a week, sometimes working 3 jobs, all while attending college part-time.
No family to help me, and all my close friends had moved away.
There were times I wanted so badly to die, life was just too hard; but I kept going… my child kept me alive!
It was a difficult life I have been through and all my relationships kept mirroring my own unworthy beliefs about myself. Just a constant cycle of men treating me horrible, little did I realize I never healed which was why the cycle kept repeating, I really felt as if I was doomed.
I graduated from college with a psychology degree but I didn’t know where to go from there, all I knew was I wanted to help people. I didn’t want anyone to feel sad, or unworthy or struggle with addictions or abuse like I had.
No one deserves that.
I found my calling and became a hypnotist on December 12, 2010
Working as a hypnotist and having a psychology degree along with years of self-healing and development under my belt, I felt I was able to finally help people and felt a great sense of contentment in my life.
We CAN heal ourselves but if we don’t change our core, our subconscious beliefs, then these issues will find a way to come back and sabotage us once again.
I know there were a lot of times I still felt stuck.
This is why I have committed to creating my abandonment issues program.
I worked on it for years, until I found a way to heal; I was my own guinea pig!
As I moved through and did research and started putting the program’s pieces together, I started to feel patterns clear up. I started to see and feel positive flows of energy, random at first and more and more on a consistent basis.
No more up and downs,
Or round and rounds,
Highs and lows
But rather a consistent grounded existence!
I wanted to make sure that I could provide people with the ability to lay down a solid foundation.
A foundation they never had.
A foundation that will attract abundance in all areas of life.
A foundation of loving and believing in yourself and healing these wounds and patterns once and for all.
Your subconscious mind and conscious mind will now be on the same page,
On the same team!!
No more fighting and bickering in your head or heart or soul.
No more thinking one way but living another.
No more negative talk or bringing purposeful harm to your self in anyway.
No more half started projects or attracting negative people or situations in your life.
You will be able to flow.
To exist and carry on your life purpose in the positive, uplifting spiritual way you came here to do it. With love!
Each and every person’s story is Unique, You may relate to some of the things I discussed or you may have your own story, but the feelings that result from abandonment whether it be from your own family, care giver or your peers are the same.
Here are just some signs of Abandonment Issues:
Intense fear of being rejected by another
Feeling unworthy, underserving
Co-Dependency issues
Commitment phobia
Addictions
Self -Sabotage
Depression
Self Loathing, Negative Self Talk
Abandonment is a fear that we will be left alone with no one to protect, care or love us, or to see our most urgent needs are met. Abandonment issues are defined as Lack of Appropriate Supervision, Denial of your basic needs and/or Love during childhood development.
This can be a result of one or more of the following:
Death of parent(s) or caregivers
Alcoholic or Workaholic Parents
Ill Parents (physical or mental)
Childhood Abuse or Neglect (not just from parents)
Lack of housing, clothing, food, love, security
Adoption or being forced into foster care
Seclusion from peer groups at crucial developmental moments (this can be very common in children realizing they are gay or bi-sexual)
Childhood Illnesses
I am now ready and able to share this program with you!! I feel a lot more people have these core abandonment issues, then we even realize. If you are ready to start making a positive change in your life, if you are ready to get off this merry go round and get out of that rut of the same things happening over and over. The same relationships, dead end jobs, money issues, bad luck, unhappiness, feelings of depression, self loathing or helplessness, if you see no end in sight, guess what NONE OF THAT IS TRUE! You can change, there is hope!!!
This is a 6 session course, BUT you must commit to all 6 sessions. Which can be very difficult when you struggle with abandonment, you have to find the strength to push through and make yourself a priority .
You are so worth it!
You can do this!!
You are ready ☺
If you want to chat or need a friend, please reach out.
I am a hypnotist, but I am human first xo